Identity is one of the basic foundations for any successful marriage.
I know where I am Hashkafically and that is what I prefer for my household. Perhaps one quick way to define this is by saying the hashkafa of Rabbi X. really speaks to me that’s where I want to be.
I know what my Shabbos table is going to look like please God.
This is how much time I’d like (my husband) to dedicate towards learning Torah everyday.
This how I’d like to educate my children.
This is how I’d like to deal with our finances and make financial decisions.
This is how we resolve disagreements or solve our fights.
(Before I got married I told my almost wife that she will always be right and I always win!)
These are most of the key elements of identity. Without this knowledge we’re picking the wrong dates on the foundational level. Then they can go out and see if they communicate well have mutual attraction enjoy each other’s company.
Well that’s my two cents.