wow, there are so many things here that just don’t sound right at all.
Klugeryid – I agree with you completely that dragging a kid out of bed is a very bad idea. Regarding the rest of your comments and questions tho, I have to say that I don’t know you AT ALL and don’t know how you are in real life but I find your tone to us here very impatient and intimidating. If this is how you are with your kids, not much of our methods will help you. There needs to be a shift in attitude and empathy.
For example:
. Let’s have a discussion. You will tell me why you do this and I will explain why it’s wrong.
think about that as an opening line of a conversation with ANYone about ANYthing. Not very inviting, not very validating. Tell them you want to hear them and then you can explain why it may not work, may not be productive, may not be responsible etc. But to say “share your feelings with me so I can invalidate them” won’t bring much trust.
and then there is this:
Which may result in the child staying in bed all day cause they won’t care. Which will result in a spoiled illiterate child when carried to its extreme
This is the saddest thing you’ve said. A child staying in bed all day will not result in a spoiled illiterate child. NO HEALTHY CHILD would EVER chose to avoid a SAFE environment by staying in bed all day. If this child does make this choice, then they need to be checked seriously for a metabolic/sleep/other physical issue. When that is ruled out they should be checked for possible depression. They can simultaneously be evaluated for other reasons why they feel safer in the absence of their life than in participating in it. It could be small, fixable issues that they don’t have the strength or skills to face and fix. Or it could be that there are learning/social issues in school that are too much. Or they can have an emotionally unsafe homelife.
Some of these things are an easy fix, some not. But if you see a huge red flag like this and your only concern is that the child will be spoiled and illiterate then there may be a huge disconnect between you two.