Hi Searcher – it sounds like you are assuming that the OP is a male and all of the comments are directed towards men. I would say that all of the points that were made – and there were some very meaningful and practical ones – are equally applicable to men and women.
It can be excruciating, confusing, and even terrifying to feel stuck between “I’m in so much pain and can’t bring myself to daven to the source of my pain” and “Maybe my not davening is the source of my pain,” while also feeling “But I tried davening yesterday and it didn’t get any better, so why bother”.
One thing I want to make clear is that there is no reason to feel shame in not davening. Davening is an opportunity to connect, to have a conversation, to lift yourself spiritually, to tap into the reserves of brachos that Hashem has for us, and yes, to change the natural order. Yes, there are halachic requirements, even for a woman. But you can fulfill that obligation pretty easily, depending on which mehalech you follow. According to some, you can simply say “Hi, Hashem. Please grant me strength today. Thanks.” Davening is an opportunity for growth and connection, but there’s absolutely no reason to feel like you’re a bad person for not opening up a siddur when you’re in pain.
The Jews in Mitzrayim were under such agony that all they could do was groan, and Hashem heard that as a prayer. Why? Because when a non-Jew groans and screams, he’s essentially saying “G-d, I can’t take it anymore.” When a Jew groans and screams, he/she is essentially saying “G-d, help me.” It’s simply the inner essence of a Jew. Our neshamos cry out to Hashem when we’re in pain, and that silent prayer has a direct connection to the Master of the World. Hashem hears you. Make no mistake about it. Hashem hears you, and He’s crying with you, and He is holding you every step of the way, even when you can’t feel it. This is the nature of our galus, as well – that He is hidden behind a curtain and we can’t feel that He’s there. It’s a very normal feeling to think that He’s nowhere to be found. We’re so used to seeing things with our eyes, and it’s difficult to imagine something we cannot see. Sometimes we can feel like we’re groping around in the dark and there’s no one to help us. Don’t think you’re the only one. But He’s there. He’s here. Hashem is right here, and He loves you so much, and holding your hand, and He’s with you in your pain and He’s davening with you. Read and reread the words of hope in this thread and find something small that will carry you through today. Hashem’s got you, and you got this.
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