Lightbrite:
I found your question humorous, and I first wondered whether you were being serious or sarcastic.
In reality, adults are responsible for themselves, not each other, not anyone else. If someone goes downward, or falls in madraigo, it is their own bechira involved in responding to the challenges of the environment, which may involve others’ behavior. But I found several statements equally appalling, and am serious in questioning whether a real Rav said these things.
“Rabbonim speak of how a wife can bring down a husband’s Yiddishkeit and closeness to Hashem.” Really? Who are these rabbonim, and how did they say this? How can anyone kidnap someone away from closeness to Hashem?
“If a man is struggling in Yiddishkeit, is it always the wife’s fault?” Are you joking? So who says viduy on Yom Kippur – only married women, but not their husbands? What ever happened to bechira?
“Recently, I had a Rav talk to me about how a wife is responsible for her husband’s mitzvah observance. ” So all men’s aveiros are attributable to women? When they divorce, do the women recite “Boruch Sheptorani”? This statement cannot possibly come from anyone who deserves a leadership position in Klal Yisroel who is purportedly a talmid chochom. Are women supposed to be mashgichim over their husbands’ davening with minyan, kviyas ittim, and shmiras einayim? That’s utterly insane, and found nowhere in the Torah. If you can find something relevant in any Torah source, please share it, with citation instead of anonymity. No one says that there is no influence by a spouse, but this never did or will usurp the bechira and responsibility of any Jew anywhere.
Posing such a question might not be disrespectful if asked innocently. But I would personally be embarrassed to ask a question based on a premise that tests the limits of absurdity.