redleg said it well.
What I think is getting muddled is the combining of two issues. To say a woman is responsible for her husband’s growth is NOT the same as saying the end results are her doing. We are expected/obligated to foster spiritual growth in our household. We are also capable of setting an environment for either growth or decline. Examples of these would be:
If a husband has a long day of work and wants to set up a night chavrusa his wife can say, “that would be so wonderful. And I am impressed that you have that energy at the end of a work day” or she can say, “Oh…. is this going to mean I have to wait til 9 to eat supper with you or am I gonna be eating a lone every night”
These situations come up CONSTANTLY in a marriage. And if going out to learn, taking on new things, being closer to Hashem, sharing struggles is met up with pride, encouragement and respect then it fosters growth. If those attempts are met with grumbling, sighs, resentment etc then it can either cause friction or outright discourage the behavior.( Just think of the teenager who decides to become frum in a hostile home. )
Now if you encouraged learning and created an atmosphere for growth and shouldered some of the inconveniences (like forgoing walks with your husband on the beach even tho you would love to), then that was your part in it, your responsibility. But that does not mean you are the bearer of the burden of the result. You can be credited for his growth, but it is still his growth. And if he does not grow in the environment even tho you did right, then he fell despite you, not because of you.
This isn’t a new concept and it is true for raising children as well. We set a tone in the house, we build up our husbands and chose what to give them positive or negative feedback for and decide what corners we are willing to cut for the sake of his growth. And these things can often determine whether or not he grows more, or whether his growth has to be a point of friction between you.