The mashal I heard, which might not work for those unfamiliar with the business world, is the following:
When a supervisor/manager has employees under him or her doing the grunt work, the manager receives some form of credit for the team’s accomplishments (even though they were done by the subordinates) and some form of backlash for when a team member makes mistakes (even though it wasn’t the manager’s own mistake).
If you make a mistake, it’s nobody’s fault but your’s, yet it still reflects on your manager. You see the difference between fault and responsibility?
By the way, I don’t say this in an attempt to start an argument, but the shittah Nechomah heard that a woman should not encourage her husband to make minyan/learn is absolutely not standard in any community I’ve ever heard of. While the OP is representing the rabbi’s talk in somewhat of a controversial way, he is much more in line with the standard approach to marriage. I really can’t imagine a kallah teacher telling a girl “your husband’s observance is none of your business,” or vice versa.