With all due respect. The past few days I have thought a lot about this thread (or post, or whatever you call it). I just can’t wrap my brain around it. When a person becomes Jewish, he must renounce all connection to all forms of Avoideh Zorah. He must be able to say from the depth of his heart that ALL other religions are absolute and total nonsense. Say about JC that he was one of the biggest fakes and abominations ever walking the Earth. If just not feeling accepted drives you off the Derech (I can understand that, even though I might not consider it a valid justification). That you feel that doing Mitzvos and live as a Jew is to difficult, again understandable. That you feel like eating a cheeseburger by McDonalds (albeit a very bad reason, understandable). But to go back to the folly of Christianity??
My question to the Talmidei Chachamim here; A potential Ger who toivels to become Jewish but only says that he renounces Avoideh Zorah, but in his heart he keep the possibility open to return, is that a bonafide Jew? Devorim Shebaleiv einam Devorim. Or do we say that his actions (at a later date) confirm his Leiv?
I had a very good friend. He became a Jew. He got married and had a lot of children. But he left his family and went OTD. It caused me a tremendous amount of heartache. (and still does). I found out that he now is living in a retreat for people who accept certain eastern philosophies.
It caused me a lot of pain. But I spoke one time with a Posek about this and he told me that he was not convinced that we can call him a Jew. Why?
The explanation was that his actions raised doubts about his original Geirus. Was he really peh wlaiv echad? Or did he leave open a kind of escape door?
I know that this is very controversial (but being myself also a GT, I like to know if anybody knows more about the subject).
To the original poster I would very much ask of you to think about your actions and ask poskim and rabbeim to clarify your status. I truly care for how you must be feeling, I am very disturbed by this whole maaiseh.
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