Dear Markiplier,
Congratulations!
You have passed your first test in Judaism. You have to realise that to be Jew means to be tested by the Yetzer Horoh who will try by any means necessary to get you to give up on Judaism. Whether you are born Jewish or a convert this is going to happen as that is Satan’s job here, get them to give up.
Now as you say you converted and the felt put down on the Birthright scheme. But that was Satan’s job to tell you that everyone is looking down on you, laughing at you, rejecting you, making you feel like a second class Jew. But that is just in your head, the Yetzer Horoh grinding you down with the psychological hurt and embarrassment.
He wants you to give, but G-d does not want you to give up. On the contrary he sent you the test to see how sincere you are.
Now whatever level you go to in Judaism you will be tested and an attempt will be made to throw you down and out of Judaism. Why, because those are the rules of the game! If you want to have the special privilege of being a yid, learning Torah and doing Mitzvos, “to live in the palace”, you are going to have to fight to for that special right.
Examine your thoughts, check that you are not being cheated, that it is just your imagination telling you things that are wrong.
“How do I go back to being frum? ”
– Say the verse Shema Yisroel every day with concentration.
– Ask Hashem to get you out of your situation and back into Judaism. Speak to Him and ask him for forgiveness and almost giving up, and ask Him to help you.
– Buy the Sefer Advice (Likutey Etzot) by Rabbi Nachman of Breslov (Author), Avraham Greenbaum (Translator), go through it slowly. It will help you!
All the best