Reply To: Is there a middle class frum family financial crisis ?

Gadolhadorah made a good point about creating a metric for the question. Since I am the OP I will take the liberty to create a metric that will likely upset some. Since we will never really be able to agree on any of the specifics here I will try to create somewhat of a guide as to what I was thinking.

I agree that there are some basic necessities and beyond that there are comforts. If the majority of frum families in North America are struggling to cover the necessities then I would agree there is indeed a crisis in the frum community. If the majority are OK with covering necessities but struggle with comforts then hopefully the system will soon correct itself and the societal pressure to pursue these comforts will dissipate. I realize that at various stages of life people experience different expenses so I will try to be broad.

Again, please do not attack me for what I will label as necessities and comforts as I am just trying to put together something for the sake of the discussion. Try not to get hung up on the details.

Necessities
Tuition (at whatever figure you have worked out with your child’s yeshiva) child care etc.
Utilities (gas, electric etc.)
Mortgage . For argument’s sake let’s put it at the average mortgage for a home for which you paid $400,000 including renovations to move into (the US median home price is under $300,000 but I bumped it up for frum neighborhoods)
One car per person in the house working. Bought not leased and keep the car until it is at a minimum of 10 years old or 120,000 miles. Not fancier than a Honda or Toyota
Medical insurance
Food. Average food cost for a kosher home when 98% of the food is prepared at home. (I guess we could allow for going to a pizza shop once a month or so and buying challah from a bakery for shabbos). Family tries to shop for food on sale and avoids unnecessary pricey food purchases (as determined by the average purchaser in the general public).
Clothing: Hard to determine what is basic but let’s say they look for the cheapest prices around for average clothing and avoid frum clothing stores when possible (I am not getting into the halacha of “buying Jewish” but let’s face it, frum stores are high end)
Home maintenance: For people that have the skills they do their own home maintenance. Areas beyond your skillset you hire but only as needed.

Comforts

Vacations: I consider summer homes and annual vacations costing more than $500-$700 to be a comfort.
Simchas: B”H we can make simchas but anything beyond the basics of what REAL Rabbonim call basic is a comfort. In my mind a basic Bar Mitzvah would call for Tefilin, a modest kiddush, hat and suit for just the BM boy. For a wedding just a lchaim, no vort, basic takanah package in Lakewood for about 250 people etc. In other words the kinds of simchas that simple people make. No trips to E”Y for a BM boy, no elaborate sheva brachos for the entire extended family etc.
Supporting children in kollel. It’s a beautiful thing if you can afford it but not if you can’t
Eating out. It seems to me as if restaurants have become much more accepted than they were 30-40 years ago.
Leased cars
Yom tov in a hotel or rented vacation home
Trips to eretz yisrael for pleasure or family simchas
Home beautification bound what is necessary for functionality

I also realize that many may disagree with any of these points but let’s not get hung up on details. I guess my concept of what is normal is from looking at what was accepted by most frum families 30-40 years ago. Those from the older generation will argue that we considered basics in those days were also comforts.