Koltuv – Hashem wants their mitzvos but also does not want their aveiros. Hashem wants the mitzvos of mechalelei shabbos, ochlei nevelos, and even murderers; that doesn’t give us the right to pretend that the mitzvah that is hardest for women shouldn’t be regarded such, or that it is any less of a “bor bershus horabim”.
I don’t see why it’s creepy for men to discuss their displeasure and spiritual plight when they want s safe atmosphere in say, shul, chasunos, or just walking around in a frum neighborhood. We try to avoid times square for that very reason, and bnos yisroel hakedoshos have a responsibility, not to actively save men from being nichshal(aside from their husbands) but to passively not be a walking michshol for others. Chazal say this in many places, comparing it to leaving your door open in front of a ganav.
Of course, the visceral, unthinking response of “mind your business” “don’t look if it bothers you”, only underscores the depth of the miseducation and ignorance even in the yeshiva world. The chofetz chaim chastised his granddaughter for merely walking around the house back and forth in the presence of esteemed rabbonim(even though they couldn’t see her) saying “do you think we’re malachim?” – this story is in vehair aynaynu and many other shmiras aynayim seforim. See peleh yoetz on tznius where he says clearly that women will be punished first for the sins of men if they were the cause thereof.
No one’s saying men shouldn’t protect themselves and practice shmiras aynayim, but those who make their lives painful and difficult at best and sinful at worst, are definitely responsible.
Men pointing this out is necessary because it is us who feel the pain every time a woman flippantly makes an untznius decision in the department store, choosing to flout the will of Hashem in order to look a certain way “for themselves” (read, to get attention).
Syag – do you feel the same way about all personal choices? What is the difference between someone who cheats the government, makes a chilul Hashem and by so doing hurts the community…someone who chooses to go to work and shul when sick with covid, and a woman who hurts her community by dressing against halacha? The first two are a physical infliction, snd the latter spiritual; you can’t have it both ways…either you’re libertarian at the expense of others or you agree that there are individual choices that affect others and need to be acted upon.
What communal action would help? Revamping our tznius clothing stores, removing offensive “flattering” styles, running campaigns to make tznius “cool” and fashionable, with apps and such that appeal to younger women
It would take a lot to change our system, but bais yaakov changed the face of female jewry; it can be done. The first step is abandoning the “you do what you do and I won’t judge” mentality. We’re all in the same boat regardless of how directly or indirectly our actions affect others; I’m sure you’re aware of the mesilas yeshorims moshol of the ship and the passenger who made a hole in his cabin, saying “it’s just my cabin!”
As the mesilas yeshorim writes in the hakdama, in proportion to the simplicity and pervasiveness of the knowledge of his main points in the sefer, so is the lack of knowledge thereof…people say things like syag and forget what they learned in yeshiva all those years ago.