extended quotes from Rabbi Avraham Edelstein Laws of Outreach Male-Female interactions, 2019
Tosafos Yom Tov, who writes in the Lechem Chamudos [perek 3] that in each locale the local practice determines what is considered sufficient attire.
Some Acharonim interpret the words of the Lechem Chamudos literally and that the determination of which parts of the body need to be covered is subjective.23 However, others understand that the Lechem Chamudos is merely ruling that the status of the forearm is determined by local custom, but matters of sanctity cannot be said before exposed upper arms and thighs
Mishnah Berurah writes that even in a society in which married women regularly go out with their hair exposed, men may not utter matters of sanctity before such women. This is because her hair is inherently considered by Chazal to be something personal and intimate…However, a number of Acharonim contend that in such a society, when there is a need, it is permissible for matters of sanctity to be expressed in the presence of a married woman whose hair is uncovered.T hese poskim understand that a woman’s hair is not intrinsically an intimate part of her body. Rather, the reason that a man may not recite Shema in the presence of a woman whose hair is exposed is so that the sight should not cause him to have illicit thoughts. Hence, in a society in which many women expose their hair, the sight of such hair will not induce illicit thoughts. Therefore, matters of sanctity can be said there. This is the view of the S’ridei Eish,31 the Ben Ish Chai,32 the Aruch HaShulchan,33 Rav Moshe Feinstein,34 and Rav Ovadia Yosef.35
T here appears to be a contradiction in the writings of the Chazon Ish regarding this matter. On one hand, the Chazon Ish writes unequivocally that the fact that many women go out without covering their hair does not justify saying words of sanctity in their presence.36 On the other hand, the Chazon Ish permitted giving a Chazal-based mussar lesson to an audience that includes women whose hair is uncovered if the speaker does not focus his attention on it.37 Rav Pesach Eliyahu Falk explained that the Chazon Ish maintained that it was forbidden for a man to say words of Torah before married women whose hair was exposed. However, for the important need for kiruv, it is proper to say matters of sanctity there.38
However, the Chazon Ish maintains a more lenient position. He holds that closing one’s eyes or turning away is even permitted l’chatchilah.42 In fact, the Chazon Ish held that a man is permitted to say matters of sanctity with his eyes open, even if he can see the problematic area with peripheral vision — as long as he does not perceive that which he is seeing.43 However, according to the stringent view of the Mishnah Berurah, ideally the only solution is for the man to turn his entire body away so that he is facing in a different direction.
It is said that when the Chasam Sofer needed to utter sacred matters in the presence of a woman who was not properly dressed, he donned glasses and shut his eyes.
In 1970, Rav Ovadia Yosef was awarded the prestigious Israel Prize by then prime minister Golda Meir. When Mrs. Meir extended her hand in congratulations, Rav Yosef did not respond, causing international condemnation for his refusal to shake a woman’s hand.
T he Shach rules that even if we are stringent like Rambam, physical contact that is not sensuous, such as when a male physician examines a female patient, is not prohibited by the Torah.73 Some other Acharonim argue that there is a Torah prohibition, even in this case.74 But, the later poskim follow the position of the Shach.75 Some authorities understand the ruling of the Shach to mean that there is still a rabbinic injunction — except in cases of danger to life.76 But, the mainstream view is that physical contact is permissible when there it is no sensuous pleasure elicited.77
. A formal handshake is not usually an expression of affection. Consequently, there is room to argue that such handshakes should be permitted in halachah. This was indeed the perspective of traditional German Jews. In fact, Rav Shimshon Raphael Hirsch used to extend his hand in greeting to women.79 Other rabbanim would only accept the hand of a woman who extend
Rav Isser Yehuda Unterman (1886–1976), the late Chief Rabbi of Israel, was once asked why he was lenient in shaking the hand of a woman who greeted him. He replied, “I am not being lenient about touching [women]; I am stringent about respecting humanity.”83 Similarly, Rav Chaim Berlin (1832–1912), wrote that if a non-Jewish woman extends her hand in greeting, a man should shake her hand as the Torah wants us to convey a demeanor of amicable respectability.84
Rav Yaakov Yitzchak Ruderman said in the name of Rav Chaim Ozer Grodzinski that the Rabbanei Ashkenaz were matir formal handshaking. Likewise, this was the position of Rav Shimon Schwab.
In three responsa, Rav Moshe Feinstein wrote that the view that permits such handshakes should not be relied on since there is a concern that the handshake will be affectionate.86 Rav Menashe Klein also adopts a stringent approach out of concern that although a handshake may be begin as a cold formality, it can evolve into an affectionate expression.87 The Chazon Ish considered such physical contact to be one of the crimes for which a person should give up his life rather than transgress.88
Steipler Gaon was of the opinion that even if the only recourse is to embarrass the person extending his/her hand, there is no justification for a man and woman to shake hands.
Rav Yaakov Kamenetsky very cautiously suggested that a man might be able to be lenient to shake an outstretched hand if failure to do so will cause a social disgrace
Rav Moshe Sternbuch proposed that perhaps the Chazon Ish was so strict over the issue of handshaking because he was referring to a warm and affectionate handshake as opposed to a cold formality.99 Rav Sternbuch wrote that in the event that failure to accept a handshake would generate an interpersonal crisis, one should seek rabbinical guidance.100
Rav Yitzchak Hutner’s guidance was to accept a woman’s outstretched hand “like a hot potato” in order to avoid embarrassing her.102 Even though Rav Moshe Feinstein published three responsa that would forbid handshakes in all cases, orally he instructed people differently. Many rabbanim have reported that Rav Feinstein instructed people that under extenuating circumstances, they could be lenient.
It is clear from the above that the local circumstances in which interactions between males and females take place play an important role in determining the halachic conclusions. The location, the degree of sensitivity of the participants (are they used to mixed events or not), and the nature of the event (is it one of levity or not) are all-important variables. Thus, the K’sav Sofer writes that we are not strict to maintain strict separation of the genders at a wedding ceremony because it is a controlled, serious situation, and not one of levity.1
Rav Feinstein made it clear that ideally, boys and girls should be separated at an early age, but not at the expense of closing down the school or of having to send the girls to a public school.