Syag; can you please explain how batei din do not pasken “that way”? I have not received shimush in choshen mishpat – maybe there’s something i missed in learning, but all of what i said above (along with UJMs posts) were straight gemara, rishonim, and shu”a. Is there a bais din that obligates a man to give child support at the discretion of his wife and not on his own, alimony, or division of estates and property? If so, please name them and their halachik rationale; until such time I’ll assume that you’re going by what people do in practice, which is that money is divided etc….but who says that’s right? Just because people do things in order to get money, doesn’t mean it’s ok. Many “frum” businessmen take jews to court; I’ve even heard some say it publicly in shul without shame – that doesn’t make it right.
Divorce is obviously messy; I do agree with “the little i know”s description, also to those who wanted a source, there was an article about it on YWN a few years ago that has been quoted on this forum many times.
Smerel; I’m sorry, but to assume that the husband is always wrong is gross jurisprudence. I cannot fathom how a rov can have a bias so much, to the point of believing at face value whatever a woman alleges without derisha and chakira (she’s not even kosher le’aidus!). My rebbeim often said that a marriage not working out is more often than not, the fault of the husband, but whatever mistakes he makes have bearing on her rights in a divorce only in regards to obligating him to divorce and forcing him to pay a kesuvah; if his faults are at a certain degree, if he is abusive(not to be confused with being a jerk), doesn’t provide, has addictions, or any number of major problems, then she is entitled to her full kesuva(nowadays with tosefes, it’s about $20k), but if she’s just unhappy, or he is not communicative, or other common complaints, she is saying “maus alai”, that she is disgusted by him and she relinquishes her kesuvah. Those degrees are to be worked out by a beis din who will do proper derishah and chakira, which at the minimum requires knowing both sides of the story.
It’s like the kangaroo courts of college campuses where any and all claims by women are believed without question….a horrible neuvas hadin that i am shocked a dayan would employ.
I agree that there are more male deadbeats and abusers than women; perhaps far more, but there are at least a “miut hamatzui” of horrible women as well.