Philosopher, as someone who has seen many, many OTD people in my line of work… almost all had some serious trauma, mental health issue, or abuse. People don’t wake up one morning and cast off the Torah; there’s a reason for it. Being around negative attitudes also turns people off.
Many OTDs were never really “on” to begin with…many MO kids who can barely read Hebrew and live almost the same lives as their non Jewish counterparts, I’m hardly surprised when I learn of their abandonment of whatever shabbos and kashrus they had learned of.
This is the fault of the broken MO system, not the kids who are taught that the end all be all is the state of israel and going to college.
As for “unzerer”, we have to clean house as well. Hashkofa is lacking in the yeshivos and bais yaakovs; people have no idea what basic jewish thought is and how to apply the chazals that they memorize into their lives and their worldviews.
The mussar movement as well as chasidus served as a bulwark against haskalah, because it gave a torah worldview to people instead of falling prey to the “isms”. That’s what we need and that’s what I’ve seen as ultimately successful in being me’orer people to love yiddishkeit.
Before the age of 20, beis din shel maalah doesn’t judge, yet you seem alright with it.