Philosopher; atzvus is a bad middah in general, but no rosh yeshiva or mashgiach will tell a bochur with depression that it’s his fault and that all would be solved if he had proper hakaras hatov and other necessary hashkofos. Most poskim do not hold that middos are in themselves sinful, barring perhaps gaavah (the very middah which leads one to feel better than someone else)
Mental health is real, and has its own set of chochma – see the steipler’s “aitzos vehadrachos”, as well as the gamut of chassidishe seforim that deal with mareh shechorah…they never tell the person that it’s their fault and that they’re being sinful in their misery, because that’s a great way to ensure that they stay depressed!
I totally agree with your description of many people who scream to be dan lechaf zchus on people… except when it’s things that bother them, like bad middos, or “bottom feeders”. From that we can see that they don’t truly believe in being dan lechaf zchus, but rather are using it as a defective tool to avoid criticizing people and practices that they themselves deep down believe are acceptable on some level. Chazal say this openly in meseches megilah 6b, “if someone tells you not to oppose the evil doers…one whose heart desires it says so”
I never advocated wholesale diyun lechaf zchus. I merely am saying that we can never know who is “bettee” on an individual level. We can know that theoretically, a person who does more mitzvos is better than someone who does less, but the rambam says that this cheshbon is only known to Hashem, because it’s qualitative and not quantitative. We never know someone’s nisyonos and kochos. It could be that given my kochos, I’m just as bad as someone who does bigger aveiros, because maybe I’m able to be a gadol beyisroel, and this person understands much less and has a pekel etc..
I’m not chas veshalom justifying going OTD because someone has had shverkeiten. There seems to be two schools of popular thougt.
A. People are held accountable for their actions and the minimum they must do is entirely their fault. No exceptions, no excuses – din is din and Hashem would not give someone a mitzvah they can’t do.
B. You can’t blame people who have had trauma or bad experiences for going off the derech; Hashem “understands” and they’re nebach, but still good people.
My way is totally different. The Ohr Somayach writes that every mitzvah has a minimum that every jew, no matter what emotional state they are dealt (his words) can accomplish. It’s true that “there’s no excuse”, however the rambam also writes that the punishment for one who sinned because of great challenge from the yatzer hora is totally different than that of a wanton sinner.
Hashem will definitely judge everyone who sins, for every sin…kol haomer HKBH vatran yivasru chayav…. however the extent to which he is punished varies astronomically from person to person. One person eats treif because looking at kosher labels makes him have a panic attack, and another because it tastes good. Both will have to answer for their misdeeds, but on completely different levels.
For this reason we cannot know who is better than anyone else.