I too Haley to think that the worst time for a balanced discussion is when emotions are high. It’s obvious that the situation can only benefit one side of the argument right now. If all sides would be honest, they’ll agree to put this up for discussion at some later point.
But nobody is honest. Logic is always twisted round and round to fit the current theme.
All that said, it should be possible to discuss just this point without getting sucked into the black hole of strong accusations and name calling.
If you are having a discussion, especially if you’re trying to persuade someone, before attributing trumped up motivations, you might want to try and hear-out their point of view. Then, you can walk them to your side by addressing their points and proving yours. You know you got somewhere when you can both agree that each one has valid points and you just weigh things differently.