Reply To: The process of asking for money for a wedding

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Gadolhadorah
Participant

The mishna in Pirkei Avos sets forth the principle of Shemoneh Esrei L’Chuppah which is generally understood to mean that one should begin searching for their kallah as soon as he is physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially able to do so. At the time of the mishna, its quite possible that those criteria were frequently met by many bochurim around the age of 18 (or presumably, that was the Tana’s recollection of when HE felt prepared for marriage. Nowhere does the mishna make shidduchim contingent upon a W-2 showing sufficient earning to support his wife and family because in those days, the majority of bochurim reaching the age of 18 did work and earned a parnassah. As society evolved, the age at which most young men were emotionally and financially prepared to support a family has also risen to their early 20s so application of the principle can be understood to have evolved as well. However, nowhere does the Mishnah mandate that the parents of the prospective choson impoverish themselves in the process, whatever his age.