Neville ChaimBerlin,
“Having a few solid, well-adjusted BT’s is better than having a big Chabad House full of wacky, quasi-frum am haartzim clinging on to unjustifiable shittos without ever being corrected only to have children who never fit into a real frum community.”
From my experience, the BTs who have the most success are the ones who move into established frum communities and are willing to accept that they are not the smartest or most knowledgeable person in the room. Part of the “wackiness” you’re describing is quite simply a lack of experience, and a misunderstanding of what’s important. A Shabbos spent in a frum community with a frum family teaches way more than a book.
Also, Chabad kiruv tries to “ignite the spark” with a focus on performing a mitzvah, and they are very good at this, but someone new to frumkeit needs considerable guidance. They need to be taught the priorities, so they’re not sitting in shul without tzitzis or a tallis while very makpid on wearing a gartel. I also think that the discussions surrounding frum communities and culture should be honest and not sugarcoated. Successful BTs are coming to Judaism because they want to follow Hashem. Not people.