>>>if someone finds he �can�t� keep Shabbos anymore he is by defenition not frum. But if he �can�t� eat cholov yisroel that is not the case.
Firstly, I’d like to point out that this is not necessarily a great example, because chalav yisroel is not just a minhag or chumra rather a chiyuv derabanan.
Just because there is a rov who made a heter, that doesn’t necessarilly make it any less of an issur d’rabanan for communities that never accepted the heter.
>>>When we start mixing up minhagim with chiyuvei krissus it gets a bit mishkebabal and we lose focus on what�s a frum Jew and what is not.
There is some truth in what you’re saying, but I would counter it:
When people start weighing what we do and saying “this isn’t so important, its just a minhag. We can drop it” this also causes one to lose focus of what is a frum yid.
Being frum isn’t just obeying deoraysos or derabanans, but a way of life. This is the idea of minhagim. And minhagim that are enshrined in Jewish life are vital to Jewish survival, ???? ????? ???? ???.
A Judaism that picks and chooses the mitzvos that they feel are more important and puts less focus on minhagim (the true concept of modern orthodox) fizzels out after a generation or two, ch”v.
(Sorry for going off topic from the thread)