I think there is a lot of conflating things here.
Whats a charedi and whats M.O.? Is the cool guy with 3 homes living in Toms River and a foodie eating out in $300 a plate restaurants every night, is that the classic charedi? Maybe they don’t have a formal “club” but they make sure every shabbos there is a kiddish with expensive booz and meatboards etc. Its the same thing as a club and its more prevelant in certain neighboorhoods than you’d admit. Or is it the yeshivisha guy with one broken down car living in a tiny apartment near his kollel? Even chasidim have that difference already (unless you are Skver). Some of those communities still have a kididsh in a house with home baked goods and grape juice still. Very simple and don’t even know what a meatboard is. (By the way now in B.P. there are exclusive shuls where its like its own club. Fancy mikvas with a big kiddish etc. Outsiders are not welcome. Its a new fad. )
Now what’s an M.O, guy? Is it the Kushner type (for lack of a better term). Very modern and almost just religous because of tradition. Obviously7 huge kiddish clubs., extreme lavish lifestyles, schools are about being elite and all kinds of functions that aren’t jewish in nature. Some Coed like you speak of. But then there are the ehrlicha YU guys which exist. I worked with a Tzadik who was nifter from Covid. A VP in a large corporation, who tried to hire jews and woke up at 5 AM to learn for 2 hours daily, he had a paper where he’d write a chesbin hanefsh every night. But he was a complete YU guy. I hace come across many ehrlicha YU Teaneack guys like that.
The real ideological difference between the two factions is, do you just keep strictly halacha or is there an idea of a 5th shluchan aruch where you have extra chumras that often our grandfathers never kept. Its a very fine line though. It plays into little things like do you need a hat and jacket when davening etc. It so happens to be that tradional jews “less serious” find it easier to integrate with M.O. and henceforth a higher rate of OTD but i don’t think it defines M.O. or that its a function of M.O. They’d go to chabad which offers a judgement free space too like Kushner.
Bottom line both serious erhlicha and ostentatious shallowness exist in both comminutes and the level of religiosity doesn’t play a role. its a terrible illness in 2024 judisam and is a discusion in it of itself. Circling back to the key thread, Chasdius within M.O. is there to offer that falvor deeper than Halacha for those that seek.