There is a wide variety among contemporary baalei teshuva regarding how integrated into the community they are. This is an important factor to consider when considering shidduchim. As a baal teshuva with kids at that age, I fully expected to have a big problem. But the RBS”O had other plans, B”H.
It should be noted that in many cases, baalei teshuva are best married to other baalei teshuva because of significant cultural differences.
I agree with you regarding the true definition of a baal teshuva. I’m still working on it. But we don’t appreciate the spiritual travesty of our generation. In prior generations, we didn’t have the problem we have nowadays, so there was no need for such a term.