philosopher > When people marry they know (or should know) the hashkafah and leanings of the person they are marrying.
Exactly. So, this means that in most cases, there will be no serious disagreement
> . If you choose to marry someone you can’t fight the choices that automatically go along with it.
Same, so we agree here. I would only take an issue with the word “fight”. I would suggest a discussion and some research first. You kind of imply that both partners have their entrenched positions and it will be unbecoming of a litvishe mama to try influence her hasid husband… I think we are (unfortunately?) beyond having fights between two clear paths nowadays – we have tens of choices everywhere, starting with amazon shopping, and we get same in chinuch. So, a lot of research might be required to make the right decision and having two adults approaching it together would be beneficial for the kids.
I think I brought this story before, I think it serves as a good illustration. R Chaim Soloveichik’s son Moshe was Rav of the town in a chabad-majority town, and he hired a chabad tutor for his son, future R YB. RYBS fondly recalled later in life (in a letter to a chabad T’Ch who sent his book for a haskomah) about nigunim, stories, shabbos atmosphere, and Alter Rebbe portrait looking at him … At some point, the MOTHER quizzed the kid and discovered that he learns stories instead of Gemora and advised the FATHER, who became RYBS only teacher (AKA homeschooling). Later on, he learnt with R Chaim Ozer in Vilna, including when visiting from his university studies in Berlin. How is that for the mother’s role.