There is one more point i want to bring out about a possible problem with the way mitzva tenz are today. Now this is only my OWN personal pet peeve-not to be confused with the halachic problems the (livish)roshei yeshiva have with it. And therefor you are free to argue my opinion, whereas I dont feel it is appropriate for any of us here to argue on the halachic opinion of the latter.
This is not a problem with mitzva tenz in general but with the way it is done today. In my experience most weddings (in America)end on average at 12, then the MT goes on for 2-3 hours. (That is when the MT is done “right”, by the real heimish olam) Close family have to stay till the end. I ask you, is that fair to the close family? These uncles, cousins etc. have to go to shul the next morning, and to yeshiva and work. And is it fair to the ne chassan and kallah? I know of a couple who came home from their wedding when it was getting light outside already.
The badchan often says, “well, the bal simcha told me not to make any jokes, so…” and then proceeds to make jokes. After all thay want to feel that their client is getting his money’s worth. All this adds on to the already late hour. And what about the grandparents? Doon’t forget that they were busy all day getting ready, traveling, pictures, etc. (I once mentioned this opinion to a very chassidish elderly woman, who was so excited with what i was saying, that i realized for the first time how hard it must be for them. But who thinks about them?)
My theory is that in the olden days the badchan would entertain the guests during the meal itself (like they do in Europe with speeches), but now, with the weddings being the huge social events they have come to be, speeches are impossible. So they have the badchan at the end instead when everyone’s falling asleep.
I hear that in Meah Shearim , and in Gur (i may be wrong) the MT is ten minutes long and no more.
What i’m suggesting here is that when it comes to MT, as in the rest of the wedding, the bal simcha has to think of his guests, and not feel like since its his simcha he can do what he wants. Keep it very short, half hour at most and then send everyone home.
(And don’t tell me people have the option to leave, because often they just can’t because of family dynamics!)