T.Black, would you say that if a black hatter was in a non black hat shul he should take his hat off, and put on a sroogie, or if he is at a syrian minyan, he should take his hat off and put on a big velvet yarlmuka or on of those satin ones? if you answer no, you are a hypocrite, and i do wear a hat, so dont people go and say i have an inferiority complex.
“must respect the rules of a shul”. what shul has rules regarding hats and shaitels? if you went to a simcha in one of the frummer black hat sfard shuls, would yor wife wear a tichel, since they dont wear sheitels in accordance with rav ovadya yosef? doubtful, so go drink your kool-aid, and leave everyone alone.
“and communities you belong to”. what communities? unless you live in parts of israel which truly have communal structure as far as levels of frumkeit go, your in a really sheltered box to think that communities in the USA actually have standards. we have shteiblech, young israels, agudahs, torah centers, all over the place, all with different minhagim and levels. even lakewood has a young israel and an agudah.
and a side point, nowhere in the original post did it say she was in shul. it seems that this happened on the street.