Gitty dear, I dont know you and I have no idea what kind of lifestyle you chose, but I sure hope it is nothing against Ratzon Hashem. I pray for you that Hashem gives the strength to do what’s right because THAT is the only true happiness there is. You may not realize that now, because you do feel really happy. But a happiness that comes from doing wrong is false. I’m not accusing you of something wrong Chas Vsholom, I’m just stating a fact in general.
May Hashem grant us all the sense to what only what is correct.