Reply To: Kid Off The Derech

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What is Modern Orthodox? what is Liberal? what is Charedi? what is yeshivish? what is Baal Habatish? They are all labels and in each country, city and community they have a different meaning. In the USA Modern Orthodox is totally different from Europe. Baal Habatish is used in Europe but is rather derogatory in Israel. Yeshivish is used in the US but not in Europe. Labels, labels. We love labels. But where do they leave us. The leave us judgemental.

If we see a man in a shtriemel etc walking/talking with a person wearing a kippa srugar and jeans on shabbos we think, hey what’s that all about? If we see a man walking with a woman who is wearing pants and short sleeves, we think, oh dear not very religious are they.

Who mixes with who is nonsense unless you know the circumstances. Try just a little not to be quite so judgemental.

But the truth is we are all prejudiced. We like to think we’re not but we are,if we’re honest and let’s be honest here.

A person who became religious building himself up from nothing yet has internet or a tv no-one would judge. He keeps shabbos and a Bedatz kosher home and sends his children to wonderful heimish schools and we applaud him. Yet a person from an extremely religious home who has become modern in his lifestyle is heavily judged.

We tend to have a more holier than thou attitude and I cannot explain it. Perhaps it makes us feel better of ourselves when in deep reality we are not.

This post is full of cliches and I find cliches so easy to write but very rarely thought out but it sure makes the writer feel better.

The reasons why a mother feels so distressed at her daughter’s current situation and the daughter responding are private. No-one on this site knows these people (to the best of my knowledge) and yet advise is being dished out,left, right and centre. None of us have sat down with all parties concerned to listen to all sides. None of us know what really has gone on irrelevant of who says what. As I have said, words are easy and are not necessarily what is really meant.

As much as I would love to say, there, there, it’ll be alright, who am I to say anything on the matter.

I do know one thing. Whether the daughter concerned or the mother for that matter want to reach out to each other via this forum let them. Don’t give your strong opinions that may make matters worse. Try thinking before you write so that both sides may take some comfort from the words.

My own hope is that over time daughter will, through the trials and tribulations of life come to her own conclusions and may those conclusions be the right ones and bring her the ultimate happiness that she is seeking together with the love and support of her family.