BS”D
also every time ive gotten close to a frum person who tried to convince me how wondeful being frum is and so on and so forth when they finally open up to me, every single one has told me their life problems and how really they dislike being frum and their whole messed up story that has made me think no one really likes it just isnt open like me
I do not know who you are hanging around with, or who you are speaking to.
There are frum people who may tell you they would be financially better off had they not chosen to be/remain frum (not true anymore with this crisis), but then they will show you their families and tell you how much more they appreciate what they do have compared to the money they could have had. I was once at a simcha where the (rather eccentric) remaining frei member of the mostly frum family tried to show how much better off he is than his frum brother who was the baal hasimcha and who had a chance at a “successful” career before his tshuva, and he was shot down and laughed off by family and guests alike (this was in EY where people speak their minds). It was very easy to see who was truly happy and successful and who needed a good psychiatrist, regardless of the fact that the baal hasimcha was struggling financially and the frei brother was not.
If, on the other hand, you are hanging around with marginals, of course they will reinforce your confusion because they are as confused as you are if not more so.
I was a semi-counselor on a “kiruv” shabbaton once and I went with one of the teen participants to a family that never should have been allowed to host shabbaton guests.
The couple went on and on about how bad the system and the community is (and they did not match up to standards bein adam lechaveiro or bein adam lamakom themselves) and ended up reinforcing the wavering teen’s decision to stay in public school. I was only 23 at the time and my words hardly carried any weight against those of this semi-dysfunctional couple. This teen is not a frum adult today (nor is he particularly successful), and I do not know what became of the family either.
If he had been exposed to the right people, he probably would have participated in more shabbatonim and would have found his place in the frum world as he was earnestly searching but just at the beginning of his journey; these menuvelach helped him lose interest fast as he was not able to discern the difference between their rantings and the real situation in our world.