I agree ith mdlevines earlier post that we need our gedolim to guide us on what is the correct approach in kanaus. jent, it wasn’t begeder morah halacha…as we see pinchas was not punished for anything, only praised and rewarded. He went to check with moshe because he knew he learned the halacha from him, so he wondered why Moshe himself was not carrying it out. Anyways, what are you trying to say, that its not true that he asked Moshe? Rashi brings it down, as im sure you know, so what is your point?
your second point is well taken, but some will argue that embarrasing and degrading others should also be asked of a Rav since when someone shames another its as if he killed him…