Mariner – boy could you not have more misunderstood me than you did! I thought I was clear that you cannot force someone to love a stepparent. Nonetheless, you should act with derech eretz to the step, just as you should to ALL people. Does that m,ean you have to do everything they say, especially if it is a total contradiction of how you feel? No, i don’t beleive that is the case all the time. But even a refusal to do something should be doen with derech eretz. And unless I misunderstand YOU, did you mean to imply that a non-biological parent cannot love a child as much as that biological parent? I have known adoptive parents who were MORE loving to their children than the biological parents. My cousin married a man with five children (one a two year old), after his wife died. She was being married for the first time. NO one could be a more loving mother than she has been to those children.
There are times when ALL children cannot stand their parents, usually when they are denied something they want. it has to do with the fact of the authority, not whose DNA runs through their veins. If you and your Stepmom have difficulties at times, I hope you are able to work through them, if only for your father’s sake. He should not have to feel he is caught in a tug of war between you, at any time. I do not know you or your personal situation, so I am not judging, and please do not think I am. I wish you well.