Bais Yaakov Maydel – I hope you dont mind if I dont reveal my posek. I feel that given the amount of personal information doled out recently, this piece would be sort of like revealing the final piece. However, I can tell you that he is a mainstream modern orthodox rabbi.
I do want to clarify something – his saying that I could extend my hand first was in cases where I was sort of required to be the initiator. For example, when I do recruiting, I often have to go over to people and introduce myself first. In cases like that I am allowed to do this. It wasnt a “go ahead and extend your hand when not neccesary.”
Jent, if there is no chibah involved, many authorities agree that its not an assur. I think you are missing that point. So, if its what you need to do then its ok because its something we avoid but isnt assur.