Brooklyn, I’m 26 so I’m not too far from the “teenage” stage. I remember how easy it was to get drugs and alcohol…I know how easy it is to fall into traps. BUT! sheltering your teenagers until you marry them off does nothing to teach them how to live.
My mother followed Illini’s parenting philosophy (with the exception of her SS# – for various reasons, everyone in my immediate family know all our SS# and pertinent information). My mother knew her children and knew that she could trust us. How did she know that? Because she slowly gave us more and more responsibility and we proved ourselves. This was all going on from the time we were little kids.
For the most part, my mother didnt have that many rules. Her basic rules were that she had to know where I was going, approximately when I was going to be home and who I was with. She also allowed me to hang out in coed situations so long as I didnt date anyone exclusively. She allowed me full access to the liquor cabinet. For the most part, I hung out with girls, didnt drink and never did anything bad.
Why? Because I had my mothers trust and I didnt want to lose it. Her trust was more important to me than any guy, or any drugs or any bad thing. She provided me with kosher outlets (for example, when I wanted to have boys over that was fine, but with some basic rules) and nothing bad happened. I was shomeret negiah, usually home at a normal hour, hanging out with my friends.
The worst thing I did as a teenager: my friend had her permit (no license) and she picked me up. My mother mentioned how nice it was that my friend got her license and I didnt respond. Later, I fessed up to my mother because I felt so guilty. She didnt punish me because she understood that I made a mistake and learned from it all by myself.
Does this parenting style work for every child? NO, but thats where parenting comes in. If your kid cant handle the freedom, dont give it to them.
I just want to add that many girls I know get married at 18 and basically right out of high school. So at 17 (6 months before they get married), they are not able to handle responsibility but then just 6 months later they can handle marriage? I find that hard to believe.