I had much the same upbringing as SJSinNYC, excpet that I went to modern schools. The boys and girls in my neighborhod socialized together in our homes. Whether it was a Friday night oneg with some learning and then socializing, or Shabbat afternoons doing playing board games and being around togehter, we socialized in our homes under parental supervision. Nothign inapppropriate ever happened. We all grew up and, for the most part, married and have stable families. It wasn’t until high school, when I went to a yeshiva that the sneaking around started. Friends in my class had to be very careful not to be seen in public with their girlfriends, lest they be expelled from school. The solution was to frequent “treif” establishments where no one knew us, and no one cared what we did. A group of kids getting together on a Friday night to learn or hear a talk about Jewish life in Communist Romania (my uncle gave it many times) or meet in the local pizza parlor, devolved into sneaking out to a far off pool hall or night club with some of learning “their” ways. Being cool was no longer being affable and liked in a very benign kosher setting. Rather being cool became knowing how to inhale a cigarette without coughing, being able to hold one’s liquor, and the ultimate prize; doing things with the girls we would have never done in our parent’s living rooms. The net result of all the sneaking around was one teen pregnancy (and this was the 1980’s when such things didn’t happen in white middle class America, at least not in out midwestern suburbs, let alone in the Jewish community) and alot of confused kids. Mayim genuvim yimtaku is an absolute truism; especially as applied to teens. It has to be as much a part of our approach to tzniyut as everything else.
Menu