I’ve had fertility problems. It was 5 years and an operation until I had my first child, then five more years and ANOTHER operation until my second child was born. You can’t not tell your friend about your pregnancy but I will agree with with squeek not to complain to your friend about your difficulies either with pregnancy or with your kids. You will lose your friend if you try to be oversensative and not say anything. I had a good friend who, like me, was trying to get pregnant. We both got pregnant at the same time but was afraid to tell the other. The relationship became very strained. By the time one of us (I don’t remember who it was) finally told the good news, the relationship was too uncomfortable to resume the wasy it was.
Another friend, when he heard that I was expecting, said that he can take credit because shortly before that he had said something that made me very sad. He said that Hashem must have seen how unhappy I was and finally gave me a child. He is now a prominent rav and this was many years ago when we were both young and stupid, but I don’t have to tell you that I did not feel grateful to him for his “help”. Moral: Don’t give such “help”.
Another friend tried to sympathise with me so when I told her that I was going to start fetility testing for the 2nd time, she started telling me how she also wanted to because she has only 5 children and wanted more. Moral: Don’t be that sympathetic.
I’m sorry, I think I went way off the topic. I’m surprised to see that after more than 25 years and 4 children, it still hurts.
SJSinNYC, good luck. I wish you and your friend the best. You sound like a good person. I’m sure you will do the right thing. I am not angry at the people that said stupid things. It didn’t even break up any friendships. Silence did though.