It’s interesting. I have no memory of my father ever holding a door open for my mother. He may have done it, and I didn’t notice, but I have no memory of it. For purposes of this thread, I’ll be dan him l’caf zchus as defined by Will_Hill and assume he never did so as it’s proscribed by the Shulchan Arukh. (Not that my father lived his entire life according to the minutae of the Shulcha Arukh, but I’m making a point). Probably he didn’t do it. Indeed he was, in certain ways, a very gruff man; brilliant and compassionate and a fiercely devoted providor for his family, but in many every day mundane ways, insensitive to the people around him. I do however have vivid memories of him being mechabed my mother. He stood up when she entered the room. He never began to eat until she was seated at the table and had herself begun to eat. He said Eishet Chayil twice on Friday nights; once for the tradition of saying it and once specifically for his wife. Will’s charge to eschew chivalry out of deference for Halacha is wrong not because it goes too far, but becuase it does not go far enough. Whether to open a door for one’s wife is not the issue. The issue is for each individual to serach out and find appropriate ways of demonstrateing love and respect for one’s spouse. That’s a point Will failed to make.
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