Will Hill-thank you for the clarification. I did my own asking of a Rov meanwhile, and was told that is what the shulchan oruch states as you said if all things are equal
“”To reiterate: If all things are equal, i.e. there is a man and a woman in the river, and you only have the capacity to save one, Shulchan Orach states in black and white to save the man.””
I heard a story that R’ Ephraim Wachsman told over of a great Rov (I can’t remember who and in what time period I imagine a great many years ago) who was indeed in this situation– where he and his son and daughter were in a boat that capsized and the father saw he only had the strengh left to return to shore with one of his children. He explained to his daughter this halacha and she understood and started to cry as she said goodbye to her father and brother. The tears tore through the fathers heart and he said “but I am her father, and I WILL find the strength to bring her back as well”, and he did save both of them. (R’ Wachsman proceeded to parallel the situation to Hashem and Klal Yisroel’s responsibilty to each other etc…..)
So, yes it might be the halacha, but l’maasa, we should ask Hashem to never let us have to make the choice.
The Torah is all true, and the Shulchan Aruch is true,,,
I think the issue that people have with you bringing this up is that you give across the flavor of using this notion of chivalry to throw out basic and decent mentchlechkeit (and I don’t mean holding open the car door etc….). Don’t present yourself in a way that will let others think that way about people who very admiringly like yourself learn and live by the Shulchan Oruch. V’hamaivin yovin.