Whoa! this is a controversial one! Unfortunately society itself, in other words, we have created the situation we face ourselves with.
If a boy is in learning in one circle – brilliant
If a boy is working/studying in anther circle – he is admired
In one country if a boy leaves yeshiva – it’s bad news – oh man! bad news!
And elsewhere the same boy will be looked at as responsible.
Sems also seem to put a focus on marrying a guy who will stay in learning which doesn’t help.
We all need to stop pretending that we don’t care what the boy does as long as he is a decent mench. Rubbish! we do care. We all want to say “My son/son-in-law…..”
Take a long hard look at what we are doing to the future generation of men and be honest. Not every one can learn. The least we can do is to put them into an environment where they can work or study and maintain some level of learning like a daily shiur or programme where they will develop into hard working guys with a yeshivish attitude to their way of life.
Further more we need to stop the culture of parents working until they are put into their graves to supprt their kids. Married children must realise that it is fine to learn as long as you can put bread on the table and shoes on the feet of your kids. When you can’t – you go earn a living. It is surely more Kibud Ov V’aim to earn a living than to make your parents work well past their retirement ages.
Of course they are exceptions to every rule but as a general this is how I believe.
End of rant!!
Most unlike me!!