I haven’t read the responses that were posted by others yet, so if I am repetitious, forgive me. First things first, B’shaa tova u’mutzlachas. This is wonderful news! I have two sets of kids born 18-19 months apart, and they are all a real joy. yes, there are some challenges going from one to two children (that was harder for me than going from 0-1 or 2-3). BUT, if you and your husband are sensitive and smart (and I think YOU are, from everything you have posted here), you will always remember that your 19 month old was born first, so he had your undivied attention all that time, all the fuss was made over him by family members, etc. so don’t let him feel he is diminished in your affections. We all get distracted by the immediate needs for the new baby, but a 19 month old (how is he feeling, btw? Better, I hope) is ALSO a baby, and will not understand if Mommy is not paying him attention.
One thing I would NOT say to the older sibling, presuming he would understand this: ” Mommy and Daddy love you so much, we wanted to have another little baby to love, just like we love you.” Imagine a husband saying to his wife, ” I love you so much, I wanted to have another wife to love, just like you.” How big would that go over??? I would just emphasize to your son how proud you are of him, that he is a big boy and a good boy, and his new little sister or brother is going to look up to him and learn everything from him about how to grow. Let him bring you the diapers for the baby and help “diaper” the baby. Let him GENTLY hold her with you holding them both. Don’t get upset with him if he does something negative, or if he does not want to look at the baby (that can happen, too), give him a little space and just love him more. Until a baby is born, you cannot predict how the older sibling will react.
Have a special toy or gift for him and tell him it is a gift from the baby when you give birth AND when you bring the baby home. A stuffed animal or such… And always remember one thing – the baby will NOT realize if you are “neglecting” him or her for a moment and letting someone else attend to its needs. Your toddler, however, will be very much aware, so when the baby sleeps, even if you are tired, if your son needs you, read to him, cuddle with him (try to get him to nap, too, so you can), but make sure he gets the attention he needs. Daddy can take over (obviously if you are nursing that can only be done if you pump), and Daddy SHOULD take over. Parenting is a job for two. Let Daddy take the toddler out for a walk or to the park while you are with the baby and/or resting, something you will need a LOT.
Al regel achas, I have tried to give you my best suggestions. The bottom line is, each child is different. Take your cues from your toddler, and as long as he does not feel neglected he will be fine. I am very excited for you. I remember this wonderful time, and wish you as easy a baby as my second child was.