supermom: where is there a makor that single women need to wear their hair tied back? Where does it say that dirty clothing is untznius? Yes, it’s a problem for other reasons (it’s probably a kiddush Hashem to appear presentable, as well as kavod habrios), but to say it’s untznius? Where does it say makeup and perfume are only for your husband?
dveykus613: Even in many communities where the Rabbonim encourage certain things, I’m sure if you ask the Rabbonim, they’ll tell you that many of the things are chumros, not straight out chiyuvim. They may want their community to follow these chumros, and if you live there, you should listen to your Rav, but the Rabbonim themselves will often tell you that it’s only a chumrah.
I agree that if your Rav paskens that something is assur, then it’s halachah. However, most people just never ask.
Judaism supposedly prides itself on encouraging people to ask questions. Unfortunately, many supposedly “yeshivish”, frum circles severely discourage asking questions. It happened to me, it happened to my wife, and it happened to many other people I know.
It happened to my wife with regard to tznius issues. She’s a BT, and when we got engaged, she wanted to learn the halachos of covering her hair. She asked a few people for sources – books, tapes, etc. she could learn from. She was told, ‘Why do you want to know the reasons? It’s das Yehudis, and you don’t ask questions – you just follow it!” At that point, she didn’t want to cover her hair. She only did it because she knew I wouldn’t marry her if she didn’t. After we were married, she finally found someone who was willing to explain it to her. Now, she willingly covers her hair.