it’s been 5 months so… it is time to revive this topic. here is a long article but certainly worth the time to read it.
A Career of Chesed
Chesed in our Daily Lives
Chesed is the word for acts of human kindness. It could mean visiting the sick, clothing the needy, hosting guests, doing favors, comforting mourners, and a whole list of other acts of kindness.
Chesed as a profession seems to lack a glamorous public image, partly because of the popular notion that helping others is for suckers. Is it a coincidence that books with titles like Winning Through Intimidation and Looking Out for #1 become best-sellers?
Attitude Adjustment
The true joy of chesed comes only when you offer it without expecting anything in return, including gratitude. Too many idealists turn sour by unconsciously adopting an after-all-I-did-for-them approach, forgetting that true appreciation is as rare as it is precious. So make your choice: If you want your hand licked, go into the dog-food business. But if you seek the image of G-d, then be like Him: Do kindness knowing that most people will not be very grateful for it, and consider the exceptions as an unexpected bonus. (When is the last time you yourself were properly appreciative to G-d, anyway?)
Now consider the mother who gives the same devotion and effort to children who are equally needy, but who happen to have been born to her. The acts of kindness are identical. What about the rewards?
Every person ends up doing chesed… in many ways. But since while acting he does not think in terms of doing chesed, it does not have the value of this Divine attribute… and without the feelings, the act has no relation to the soul…. This is not to say that doing kindness without thinking goes unrewarded, or that we should refrain from doing chesed until we develop the proper attitudes. But since you do acts of chesed anyway, why not receive full dividends from your investment?
[is one]
Tips and Techniques
You will of course stock the room with towels, fruit, drinking cups, tissues, shelf or drawer space, hangers and closet space, reading material, a wastebasket and an alarm clock (lighted dial if possible). Without their having to ask, you will provide or tell the visitors where to find soap, toothpaste, shoe polish, and brushes for shoes, clothes, and hats. A nice touch is to make available a thermos filled with hot or cold drink (with directions for refilling), a toothbrush (travelers sometimes forget their own), writing paper, envelopes, and stamps.
* Bearings: Every house has its rules, and guests feel uncomfortable not knowing just what they are. If you wish your guests to feel free to use your library or refrigerator, tell them so. Let them know the times for meals, and when it is convenient to take showers. Inform them in advance whether their presence is expected when Aunt Millie drops in.
Creative Kindness
* Be prompt for appointments
* Speak distinctly
* Allow others to finish their sentences without interruption
* Allow the other person to have the last word in the conversation
* Permit the lady behind you in the supermarket line to go first, when she has three items and you have 30
* Not speed up your walk to pass an elderly person who will thereby be reminded of his infirmity
* Upon your arrival at home to find the phone ringing, answer with the cheerful voice of a trained airline attendant
And if we keep at it long enough, perhaps we will someday achieve the greatness of being able to put up with the people all around us, and to accept them as they are.
Excerpted from In Search of the Jewish Woman, by Rabbi Yisroel Miller