I don’t treat my children equally but I do try to treat them fairly. My oldest is on a restricted medical diet, so I will go to greater effort & expense to buy her foods she can eat than I will for my other kids. I tell my other kids that this is because she has fewer food choices (& outside of her presence we’ll discuss in more detail how difficult it is to adhere to a restricted diet), and they seem to understand.
I don’t have favorites among my children but I love different aspects of each one. I try to accept each as he/ she is, and relate to them according to their interests, while helping them to be the best they can. My oldest son is interested in sports; he knows that I don’t know much about it but I’ll help him look up scores & he’ll tell me about his favorite players. And of course I enjoy hearing about his latest basketball or baseball game. I don’t think I’ll ever love sports, but I do love him.
Also I try to reward & encourage them to work together & help each other. I point out to the older kids how much the younger kids admire them. At the same time I try not to give the older kids too much responsibility for the younger ones. My kids know that I will allow them to make more noise/ a bigger mess if they are working together and getting along than if they are fighting.
One thing I’ve learned not to do is to expect my kids to be like me, or to be like each other. I know a family where the children, while growing up, were told, “why can’t you be like your sibling?” when they misbehaved or did not do well in school. Today they are adults but still criticize each other over minor differences.