Shaindel – I completely agree with you.
And Seichel – You are right that any major problem or issue should be disclosed before the engagement.
Just one more point to think about: If someone has a problem like a sibling who is disabled or went through some type of misfortune and has made it through as a well- adjusted baal middos, it should be considered a tremendous plus! Not a negative. Think about it. Life is all about dealing with difficulties. If a person has never had to face adversity in their lives, you never know how they will handle it when problems come up (I say WHEN not if).
If the girl or boy has dealt with problems, and has come through as a strong person who has emunah, learns Torah, helps others, is sensitive to another’s problems, etc., that should be considered a real find!