Moving to a new culture, lifestyle, and dealing with the children’s issues and the language barrier is not for the faint of heart. Married couples who have a strong positive relationship can make it work. And you have got to laugh a lot, because there are so many silly mistakes you will make! Come on aliya and be prepared to work hard to succeed. Find a Rov right away to give you guidance, give your children unconditional love and be their best advocate, and be friendly to everyone. Be prepared to give your wife support as she deals with her issues, and be prepared to give your husband a lot of respect. It isn’t always so easy on men to go to a new shul, and gain a new chevra. A wife has to give up her parents and close friends. Build a reputation as a fine family and you will have good friends in no time. They will become your support system. And people here are allergic to new olim who kvetch-restrain yourselves! After you are here long enough you have the right to kvetch in public, and it won’t sound silly.
As a teacher in a school that has many olim I want to state a very important overlooked fact. The education system in Israel places the responsibility for the child’s learning directly on the parents. Instructors teach their subject to classes of over thirty students at a time. There is not a lot of personal attention. If your kid gets it, great. If not, then it is up to the parent to give it over. An oleh parent, whose Hebrew is limited, can not help with most subjects-(try translating Gemarah into Hebrew, math is done differently, Hebrew literature, science, etc…) The amount of perakim covered in one month in Israel equals what an American kid does all year! Few schools have resource rooms, and few of them have “help for olim”. (or computers, science equipment, libraries). Parents here have to pay for all the school books, and in some schools that averages about 15 books per child at an average cost of 30 NIS. You can buy used for half the cost) School is six days a week-no Sundays off.
Some suggestions are: 1) Get involved in your child’s school, 2) get Hebrew language classes (note: that some chadarim frown on ulpan-your child will not “pick it up”-get lessons!) 3) prepare money in advance for tutors. (My neighbor paid $10,000 in tutoring in one year for three kids!!!) 4) Visit the school with your child before you enroll him/her. (we visited a highly recommended place, and my son was turned off to it because the Rosh Yeshiva made an awful impression). 5) Remember that you made the decision to make aliya, not your kids. You are pulling them away from all that is familiar-it could be their grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, best friend, a teacher they were looking forward to having, and the English language. It is vital to your children’s welfare that you involve them in their new life, and share how much you love it here and why. Constantly.
After all this, I still say come! Yes it is a challenge. You will grow not only in your avodas Hashem but in your bein adam lechaveiro. You will become a better spouse, a better parent, and a great letter write/emailer. You will figure out how to save money and find new ways to make it. And ask an adom gadol for a bracha for hatzlocha and discuss with him your concerns. There is open siyata dishmaya here, and there will never be a replacement for the Kotel in anyplace in the world. We are here six years and don’t regret it. All our children speak both languages fluently, and have Israeli friends. It takes a ton of tefilla and a lot of hishtadlus.