ames, that is not what I’m saying. All I’m saying is that it is entirely appropriate to ask your rav how he got to his conclusion. You never find a SHUT sefer that doesn’t do that.
Perhaps it’s different with women, but I can’t see any self respecting man ask a rav a shailah and then walk away. 99.999999% will talk to the rav and question and ask sources and debate if necessary. It’s called learning. That might not fit into the BY notion, but that is how it’s done in the real world.