Has anyone noticed that potential shidduchim are getting checked deeper and deeper, and yet this has done nothing to alleviate the growing number of older singles and divorced couples?
Yes, things need to be checked, questions asked. But to what point? I know of a wonderful boy who shoplifted ONE pack of gum ONCE when he was FOURTEEN. At 23, he is still having trouble, because of this ONE indiscretion as young teenager. It’s one thing if there was a shoplifting problem spanning several years, but doing something stupid once as a teenager consigns him to everlasting bachelorhood? I know of a wonderful tzniusdik girl who made ONE poor choice ONE night of the summer at FIFTEEN, by getting drunk and acting up. Now, at 22- problems finding a shidduch. Again- a drinking problem, I understand; but ONE bad decision at a phase of life when most people do stupid things, and she loses er right to ever be an Eim B’Yisrael?
Not only do people change, but if we try to make sure every detail is perfect before the shidduch even happens, then we send our children the message that it is possible to marry a perfect person and thereby have a perfect marriage. The day they figure out that their spouse has FLAWS, and that marriage is NOT perfect, it is a most terrible shock. And we wonder why so many young couples divorce, R”L!