“I do, however, have one suggestion before we implement yours”
My “suggestion” was the way things were always done when I was growing up. We lived a wholesome, healthy socially and halachically acceptable lifestyle, and I had friends of both genders. I was never afraid to talk to a boy on a date or any other time. I also did not feel pressured to think that every date was “the ONE” so that I could not relax and enjoy getting to know the person with whom I was on a date.
You infantilize kids, potsandpans, when you say they are not capable of exercising self-control. That may be true in an environment such as today when they feel like kids let loose in a candy store when they are around other genders. That is what happens when boys and girls are treated as mysteries to each other. I was a kid, once, too, beleive it or not, and my parents raised me to be both tzniusdik and a conversationalist who was comfortable speaking with virtually anyone.EVERYONE is capable of exercising self-control, but they must be given some tools to develop that control. That is what good chinuch in school and parental reinforcement at home are supposed to be, no?
Don’t equate a girl having a boyfriend with her having low self-esteem. That may or may not be true, but IMO it is a frivolous and unfair statement. The kids whom you believe have no knowledge of what is appropriate or not, are possibly that way because they are not permitted to act appropriately with each other. You learn social graces by example, and by utilizing them in social settings. Do kids automatically learn how to eat without talking with a mouth full of food, if no one sits them down at a dinner table and teaches them good manners? I know that the Bais Yaakov (or Yeshivah of your choice) mentality dictates a certain frum lifestyle, but that lifestyle is ultimately ironically causing problems with many children who are not learning how to relate to each other in a frum but also healthy and proper way. I am certain you will disagree with me, and I am not trying to change your mind, because we both know that will not happen. But if you try to be a little objective, you may possibly see SOME merit in what I say, even if you reject it.