When I lost my parents O”H within five months of each other, and so unexpectedly, this was how my grieving stages went. 1) disbelief 2) acceptance 3) acceptance 4) acceptance 5) acceptance. I cried and cried, and cried some more, buckets every day for an entire year, and then to a lesser extent for another two years, and now, just when I am especially missing them (which granted is every day) I don’t break down sobbing, as I used to, more like just tearing up).
As soon as the initial shock of realization hit me (my siblings as well), we immediately accepted that this is what it was. There was no illusion that they would rebound from their respective imminently fatal strokes. Neither did we bargain with Hashem,except to say, please don’t let them suffer any pain. When we said Boruch Dayan HaEmes, we had 100% complete kavanna and were not merely repeating the words we were told to say. I realize this is not necessarily typical, but we have strong emunah, raised as we were in a very frum, but also modern Orthodox home (and I say that to show that one need not be Yeshivish in order to have real bitachon in Hashem and accept His Ratzon as Just).
Everyone deals with grief in a different and private way. there is no one right formula, Kubler/Ross notwithstanding, and different people have different coping mechanisms. When people came into our shiva house,they were shocked at times to see us crying, and then minutes later laughing our head off, too. What they did not realize was that we were telling over stories that contained both elements within them, one making us very sad, the other lifting our spirits greatly. So it really is a case of different strokes for different folks.