Reply To: Shidduchim and Outside People “Helping”

From my experience with shadchanim- there are 2 types. Those who do it lishma [either they are good at it and just started unofficialy or because they want to help the situation] and those that do it as a proffesion.

In my experience of going to shadchanim- 1 out of the at least 15 proffesionals who I have went to called me back with a suggestion. They visit with u for a few minutes, if they think of something on the spot great, otherwise you become another paper in their notebook. I don’t think it has anything to do with $ but they tend to only primarily call back people who they have a personal connection with.

I think there it is nice to give some hakaras hatov to someone who works with you to set you up (1) so they will think of you as grateful/ nice and (2) as an incentive for them to keep trying. However, most singles who are living on their own are not of unlimiited funds and dating already is very expensive [especially for out of town girls] and adding another $50 for each time I went out would make dating way out of my budget.

I just went to a shadchan and they had 3 binders of girls and 1 of boys. I have even called shadchanim b4 who told me they are only meeting boys because they have to many girls at the moment.

People can “blame the girls” or say “we are not trying hard enough” or say it has to do with hakars hatov to the shadchan but limaaseh it is a boy’s world and a lot of people to try with shidduchim for people they are cared about but not everything can be taken care of or fixed with money.