AZ:
” I can’t gurantte that they will take counsel with you prior to making the decsion. What people should realize is when we deal with serious and devastating issues we need to make hard choices.”
Two points:
1) People should and will make hard choices in life, that is a fact. However, I believe that people should make it for themselves and not have other people (the rabbonim) do it for them.
2) You mentioned that the rabbanim should take counsel. I agree with you 100%. However, I do not believe that they are taking counsel from the right individuals (and since you have the ears of the rabbonim, perhaps you can pass this along). Instead of asking and being provided counsel from shadchanim and married couples (individuals who are at least one step away from the so called “crisis”), the rabbanim should go straight to the source; ask the single guys and ladies what they think is wrong with the system. Find the aspects in which a majority of the singles agree upon, and then FIX IT.
I have never been asked by a rav (and that includes all 70 that signed the age gap letter) what I think is wrong with the system, and neither have any of my hundreds of single friends and acquaintances (believe me, you get to meet a lot of singles throughout all the events and not a one has ever mentioned being asked what they think is wrong with the shidduch system or what they would change).
Instead of trying to do studies (that can be skewed and countered in a variety of ways) they should go out to the various cities and document from the singles themselves. You will get a better understanding of what is wrong and a plethora of ideas on how to fix a broken system.