IMO, just let the shadchan do the explaining. You can even write it out for the shadchan, so that what you are trying to say is crystal clear , but I’d stick with the shadchan as the go-between. Or when the shadchan calls her to ask her if she would be willing to try again, you can have the shadchan say that you would be willing to go into more detail in an email and see if she would be open to that.
