This fear (of the unknown?) is stopping you from moving forward- in any area. You want to do a lot of things, you’ve said so yourself, yet each time you think too much about it you start to hold back and then let it slide for lack of… ‘courage’ I don’t think is the right word…
I understand these feelings; almost every teen has these insecurities.
What will convince you moish? To stick to working on a midda, to go back to yeshiva, to go on an inspirational trip, to let go of some pride and talk to your parents and show them you really want this change but don’t know how to go about it… (a ramble, read again)
I don’t read minds and to your relief- I’m not a kiruv pro. So what to do?
I made contact with that yeshiva and I’m doing a little research on your behalf (Now you’re thinking “Who asked you??”. ME! That’s who. Maybe I do read minds ;))