ronrsr,
I know just what you mean. I want to know fees, final fees, and don’t appreciate being told at the end that “an extra x amount for the y”, when I had specifically asked for the final price at the outset.
On a related note, I find it distasteful in the extreme (to put it very nicely) when people ask vendors “can you just throw the x in, since I’m buying y and z from you”, or “do I have to pay for the x?”; it puts the vendor is such an uncomfortable position, and makes them feel they either have to give a discount where they hadn’t intended to (and likely cannot afford to) or have to come across as money hungry grubbers not generous enough to “throw x in for free” or give other unintended discounts. When some acquaintances tell me how they got such “great deals” by using these tactics, I am revolted, not impressed. If you can’t afford it, don’t use the vendor. If you can’t afford the 3 piece band, don’t bully or sweet talk or guilt trip the vendor into a lower price, go with a 1 piece band. If you can’t afford the normal and usual for your community shadchan fees, don’t use one, or raise money for one. If you can’t afford the gardeners’ fees for your lawn, don’t bargain with him until he is afraid that if you don’t get your way you will badmouth him to the neighbors- just accept that you can’t afford his fees and cut your own lawn.
On the topic of Shadchanim, I do truly think that shadchanim should not rely on people knowing the community norms, and should mention the normal and usual fees at the outset, so no one gets a surprise. Most people who are “in the parsha” do inquire of their friends what the typical fees are, but it is always best to be upfront right at the beginning. It is to both parties benefit; no one wants to spend hours working on shidduchim for a family, and discover afterward that the family feels paying what amounts to three dollars per hour for time invested is just fine.